Tips For Surviving the Apocalypse from People Who Live in Rainforest

These tips come from the Batek tribe that lives in the Taman Negara forest, Malaysia. A tribe of about 2000 people, spread out in villages throughout the forest, they stay away from as much of modern life as possible and live off the land. 

(Tips could also be used as plot points in The Walking Dead) 

  • If you need to start a fire and don’t have any dry kindling, use your hair* (cut it off your head first, you’re not making a torch)
  • Hunting using poisoned tip dart is very effective, aim for the legs so the poison can’t spread far, but if the meat turns blue, you probably shouldn’t eat it.
  • Move around a lot, if you’re nomadic the zombies are less likely to find you, and you won’t deplete your food source 
  • Weddings are unnecessary for procreation, you can declare a marriage after spending the night together, you don’t need to choose a colour scheme or table settings first. Also, don’t marry someone from the same village, eventually the genes catch up to you.
  • Have a lot of babies, not very useful when young, but the more people to fight the aliens, the better 

    *Does not work if you are Bruce Willis 

    Live by a river source: water and escape route
    Blow darting in action
    Making fire – with dry stuff, no hair was harmed

    Travel Tips: Toilet Time in Malaysia

    In Malaysia you always need to remember to carry two things:

    1. Drinking Water

    2. Toilet paper: for use when the water runs out

    Now, regarding #2, you might think “why?” or, if you’re used to travelling in this part of the world, you might think “duh, that’s so obvs” – however the point that needs to be made is not that Malaysia doesn’t have toilet paper (they have plenty of it), but rather, that the toilet paper is stored on the outside of the stall. 

    Much debate has ensued over why exactly there is a giant roll of toilet paper by the sinks: does it save trees, did they just not feel like installing dispensers in the stalls, are we all being filmed for an episode of Candid Camera? To our “Western” brains with “Western stomachs” this design presents two big flaws: what if you forgot to grab some paper, and if you did remember, what if you didn’t take enough. 

    I think we can all agree that not having enough toilet paper while in a public bathroom is a scenario best left to a movie whose main component is a slapstick sound effects budget and stars anyone from American Pie.

    In the end, the answer was infront of our faces (especially went squatting). Malaysia has “wet” toilets. Each stall consists of a couple of hoses (besides.knowing they are for cleaning, I’m not entirely sure how they work) but the end result is that each stall gets hosed down after every use – which makes going to the toilet feel like you’re constantly at the public pool in the summer, and would make it impossible to keep the toilet paper dry. 

    So, my solution is to constantly carry paper, mainly because I cannot remember to tear some off before I go in, but I can remember to replace the wad in my pockets on the way out. 

    Note the hose and thin layer of water on the ground
    Squat toilets: not ideal after climbing a mountain

    A Modern Telling of the History of Singapore: Kids Edition

    There once was a colonial power named Britain.

    They had fish, they had chips, and they had a lot of ships. 

    So, they sailed far and wide, no one could hide. 

    In the East they found spice; just a slice could save their dreary life.

    However, there was competition for seas; the colonial powers were such busy bees.

    And so, before an agreement was reached to go Dutch with the Dutch,

    A man named Raffles who maybe liked waffles,

    Proposed a new shore, named Singapore 

    Setting it up wasn’t much of a big chore, 

    And in 1819, she joined Her Majesty’s Team.

    For about 130 years, there didn’t seem to be many tears,

    And then there was a World War and the Japanese took Singapore.

    Occupation wasn’t much fun, for anyone. 

    When the Allies defeated the Axis, the British knew it was time for take-backis.

    But it was also 1945, and their Empire was about to take a dive.

    In 1963 Singapore and Malaya formed Malaysia, but their union was a form of dysplasia.

    In 1965, the divorce was finalized and Singapore was finally, realized. 

    The economic power house