Category: #animals

When You Smell So Bad, Mosquitos Are Your Only Friends

Mmmm dried sweat, fresh sweat and various kinds of animal feces – an aphrodisiac cocktail that attracts nothing but mosquitos – no matter how much DEET you put on, they queue up. 

Say whatever you want about mosquitos, but they love indescriminately- sure, they may love some a tiny bit more than others, but on a whole they are the hippies of animal kingdom. They believe in free, interspecies type love. 

They are impatient, they don’t wait for the Tinder, “you matched with…” button, they don’t wait for the third date, they definitely don’t buy you a drink first; they just aggressively grab you and take what they want. 

Now, they may not be the most selfless companions, and they dont care whether you have a good time, but they never leave you alone, and even if they do “”ghost” you for a bit, they’ll be back – it just maybe in an Arnold Schwarzenegger Terminator 2 kind of way.

The point of this post: when you’re volunteering with wildlife, kind of like when you’re in prison (stereotype), you’ll take what you can get. At least something wants to be around you. 

Sun Bear, not that interested either

Evolution: The Apple Product Release Strategy

Primates are “members of the most developed and intelligent group of mammals, including humans, monkeys and apes” – sorry dolphins, but apparently that’s what the the Cambridge Advanced Lerner’s Dictionary says.

Of course, not all primates were created equal, if they were then I’m pretty sure based on pure size, humans would not be a position to greenlight more Planet of the Apes movies. 

When you start to look at the differences between us highly intelligent mammals every “upgrade” starts to seem a little like an Apple “new version” release – an upgrade that simultaneously adds something new and also takes away something useful (looking at you, headphone jacks).

The difference between monkeys and apes? Tails. The upgrade was to remove the tail. Now, I know this probably had a practical reason, but why couldn’t we just keep the tail, get bigger and learn how to exist on the ground? If humans had tails we could swing from buildings and live in trees, alleviating some of our traffic problems, and making it much easier to pass highschool P.E. 

The difference between apes and humans? Walking on two legs and better hand function (and a language that we can understand). No one is going to argue with better hand function – we learned how to make tools, it’s like Apple coming out it camera upgrades, very useful for taking better selfies – which is progressing the human race. But, did we really have to sacrifice being able to walk on all fours? Like, why can’t we walk upright and on four legs. We could be our own pack animals, and giving kids rides around the house would be so much easier. 

It feels like Evolution is messing with us, saying “I could make the world’s most perfect animal, and while I could do it all at once, I’m going to do it in fifty steps – and no, you’re not getting a USB port until the end.”

I want to walk like you, talk like you…