Rice: A Workout, Spa Treatment and Artisanal Food Movement All In One

“Rice is Life” is a common saying in Asia (and possible winning t-shirt slogan) where they eat it for three meals a day (except in some of the former French colonies where they will take time out for a baguette). 

Making rice is hard, in fact – if you grow it and turn it into something edible, you’ll be guaranteed to be slim, have baby soft skin and possibly be able to sell fancy packets called “Slim Rice: Enfused with Exercise” to all gyms that are looking to inspire their clientele.

There are 13 steps. If you cut out the last step, “eating” you would have an official recovery program, and a solid exercise routine – one that could be practiced on Brooklyn farm rooftops.
From start to finish, the whole process takes four months; you’ve got to get the seedlings, plough the field, plant the seedlings, monitor the water levels, cut the rice, dry the rice, thump out the rice grains, shake off the husks and then finally cook it. 

Using “Rudolph” to plow the field

If you were to do the whole routine multiple times a week, you work out your legs, your lower back, your upper back (you’ve got to carry all 4month old rice stalks), all areas of your arms – it’s basically a complete workout, with at least three steps involving submersion in super soft (fertilized with fibrous nutrients!) mud – you’ll come out feeling like a whole new person and you’ll need a shower, warning – this routine is not for people that own white towels. 

So, to all those who live in rainy, tropical climates (or who can create them), remember, “rice is life” – get yourself a paddy, get fit, and then sell it back – it’s all you’ll ever need. 

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